It’s been another bit of a while since I’ve written, there have been thoughts, semblances of things I wanted to write about and none of it seemed worth capturing. I’m about to come home after roughly 2 weeks with my extended family abroad. My mom has been with her two remaining siblings every day for the last two weeks. She’ll be here another 3 weeks after I leave. Watching her and her sisters just be, communicate, pontificate, share recipes and enjoy each other has been an incredible privilege. These ladies can spend 10 minutes discussing the merits of different hand mirrors in a store, swap potato salad recipes for hours on end and still find time to fuss over their kids (and nephews). While I am tired, it’s been a long couple of weeks of not sleeping in my own bed and being out of my element and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Christmas Wise-Guys…..Maybe Christmas isn’t so bad?
This place, my aunt (now my cousin’s) house has been a central meeting point for my family since I was 13. I watched my cousin’s grow up here, move out, move up, move on. There are so many ghosts of memories tied up in this place. It doesn’t hurt that my younger cousin is the spitting image of his dad. It’s been a warm visit. We’ve played, played HARD as 40 and 50 year olds. Beer has been consumed, stories and gags shared. The kinds of gags that persist within a family and are only continued by pulling them on each other when we’re together. Trying to make sure the younger kids pick up on them and repeat! It’s a familial cycle which brings me lots of joy!
This trip we had 18 of 22 of my family together. A new record! Aunt’s (my mom’s generation), cousins, 2nd cousins and a 3rd cousin with one on the way – it was glorious! As a pseudo-German speaking person, I could sit back and listen to all of the conversations and soak them in. This helps me rely on these memories for the rest of the year and look for opportunities to re-connect with my folks here as well. Post-divorce, I’ve been trying to pick up the pieces and reconnect with my family, my kids, my siblings, my mom, cousins, etc… to establish what ‘Family’ means to me. Family is EVERYTHING for me. The chaos of family gatherings is something I didn’t grow up with and seek out whenever possible now. Even my older kid has recognized the amazingness of embracing your extended family and thanks for college abroad has connected as well. All of this makes me incredibly happy to experience and witness.
In the middle of this love fest, I have found myself again. I feel more like me than I have in months. Certainly, I still have many strong feelings. I discuss these with my guy James (Jamerson) and his guidance has been to feel my feelings and let them pass through. It’s hard to describe being moved to tears from being happy and having this place feel full again after being empty for so long. I am hopeful, and more important to me, finding a place to feel settled in, connected to. I’m whistling again, listening to lyrics, dreaming, day-dreaming and thinking about travel plans for later in the spring. 2024 has been, just 9 days in a banner year already. I open my eyes and look forward to the day, the challenges and all the fun that’s out there to be had.
Happy New Year Folks – remember – be someone’s rock, their port in the storm, a safe space and take good care of yourself and others. Love first and Stay Salty!