The biggest issue I have found lately between the Global COVID-19 Pandemic and being alone is managing the notion of physical touch. I have no one in my bubble aside from my kid who’s with me every other week, who can give me a hug, a full-on full body hug. More than anything it’s that regular connection that is missing for me. I read an article this morning that came from one of my woo-woo email subscriptions which prompted this writing.
“We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
These metrics are definitely hard to quantify, without getting into the math of hug length, cortisol suppression, oxytocin release and measurable feelings of safety and belonging.
While by and large, I am feeling better than I have felt emotionally that I have felt in many many years, I don’t carry the suitcase of guilt or regret any longer, the world around me is more vibrant and alive than it has been in a very long time. That in itself is a blessing, but with that blessing come a bit of a curse. I have found that I crave human interaction, being in the presence of someone with whom I trust and can feel loving kindness from, but also feel good in the reciprocation of those feelings in the giving. The issue with being in solitude and on one’s own during a pandemic means you don’t or can’t receive regular hugs. It feels as if you’re falling down a rabbit hole and praying for anyone to give you a hug. A few months back, I was at my friend Rob’s house as a pass through so he could check out my GS. His wife, Stacey, when she saw me immediately broke COVID protocol and gave me the biggest hug I had felt in months. It was so overwhelming I started to choke up. It felt so good.
The other thing I have found lately is I miss having another body sleeping next to me, I miss having the presence of another person that I can reach out and touch in the night. It’s not for loneliness, but rather, the feeling of belonging with that person right there, sleeping soundly, maybe snoring, that you can snuggle up next to and get warm again. I miss the daily morning routine of making coffee or tea for someone and delivering with a kiss and a caress. I miss being fed breakfast, or lunch or dinner and being fussed at about eating enough and the right stuff.
I miss having someone to walk with me either in the woods or my neighborhood to dream with. Exercise has helped me with these feelings of separate-ness but do not replace the physical person who’s there instead of in my mind. The walking helps, along with less alcohol too – allowing me to shed nearly 16-17 pounds and trim down, I feel great physically and emotionally too for the most part. Ups and downs, but what’s missing is the daily partnering of mundane tasks and most of all physical touch.
I do count myself fortunate, in that I have a few very close friends, some just pop in via text or actually physically to share a meal, a hoppy beverage and BS around the fire-pit. These things are great for your mental space to share and talk, it does nothing though for physical touch.
In short, I miss hugs, I miss the feeling of a hug to let my brain know that I’m okay. That I can take a break.
So there you go – not so salty today – just more about feelings of being on one’s own during a pandemic. Desperately hoping for an embrace, a safe harbor and rock where maybe I can have a good rest as well. In the mean-time, find someone to be kind to, be kind to yourself, look for the goodness around you and love large.