TikTok may be the devil….
But in this case, the devil brought me a little wisdom. Communication is very important, however, without comprehension all the best communication is lost. That is to say, when someone speaks, you hear them, if you don’t whatever is said is lost between you.
My prior self-loathing has been well-documented in this forum. Yes, I have moved on, I have lightened my load so to speak, that suitcase of guilt and shame is well behind me in the rear-view mirror. The fortress I had built around my heart, lays in shambles, little piles of wood waiting to be burned to dust. Why is this? Someone very recently said to me ‘Oh MY GOD, you are SUCH A GOOD PERSON!!!’ This person, we’ll call her Tina, said this to me and it landed squarely in my head and heart. Those words wrecked me in the very best way possible. Every damn defense mechanism I’ve built for the past 30 years has been blown to bits.
I’ve had many people say this to me, that I am a good person, ‘a good guy,’ hell, my therapist, Mikey League, has pointed this out to me more times than I wish to admit to when he asks the question: ‘Who buys 6 dozen donuts and coffee for a staff of people just because they admire and appreciate their efforts on behalf of a bunch of kids who aren’t yours?’ I would tend to just sweep this question under the rug, my alter-ego Pedro tends to buy Krispy-Kreme’s for a bunch of teachers it’s not a big deal for me. Why do I do this? My answer in the past has always been, because I can, not because I’m a good person. Anyone with a brain and heart would do the same thing….(or should!)
In my last post I spoke of this happiness and being scared of this new feeling and while being able to understand I am deserving of it, still not really able to comprehend. My buddy, a very long and dear friend and I were going back and forth via text, his words… I’m happy for you! – You deserve it! Again, these words landed. It’s as if all of a sudden, I can say, hell yeah, I deserve this goodness. This goodness is restorative to my being, it has helped me to be more focused on my friends and family. I can be the loving and generous person I am that is true to who I am without any question to if it’s odd. This is a gift, a fantastic gift that I wish everyone can experience.
Communication and comprehension. It’s such a simple concept and yet, here we go again… at 50, someone who is a stranger on TikTok laid some wisdom on me.
With that thought, I’m going to offer this very strange challenge to anyone who reads this: What in your head, belief system, self-image or whatnot is getting in the way of you comprehending what people are telling you? I have an idea of what it was for me. All I can say is when those words hit and you hear them for the first time, it’s like something fills your lungs and you can finally, actually breathe. It is the sweetest music and the warmest, softest blanket.
Stay salty my friends, be someone’s rock, their port in the storm, give love unconditionally and receive it as well. Be kind to others, be kind to yourself. Listen to what people say and consider they may be right.